This blog is about living the American Dream at the dawn of the new millennium! I am a nameless, mid-20s, bottom 150 Law School Graduate who finds himself marginally attached and awash in a sea of overeducated but underpaid, indentured peers who feel, and were, duped by the promise of a better life through debt and modern chemistry. Let's get to the point. The Law School Industrial Complex is a scam that has destroyed a generation out of greed. Vendettas were once legal and the pursuit of one was seen not only as moral, but necessary. This newly minted lawyer is going to continue the practice. DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL YOU MORONS! Ce qui suit est ce qui reste!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Emory Law = Cee Lo Green: Hey Law Grads! Fuck you!!!

So I don't really care about this but just think it's funny.  Funny like assault on a toddler.  Ever see someone hit a toddler? They're so rubbery it's hilarious! Anyway. 

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Imagine hundreds of Emory law students who have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in a bogus "education" to learn how to practice "law" sitting at their graduation ceremony.  In fact, their alma mater's Marketing Tag Line is "Emory Law: More Than Practice" which is ironic considering I don't know of any law schools who actually teach students how to practice let alone offer students something more than that.

The Emory grad's boomer parents and significant others are sitting in the audience for this horse and pony show and many are rightly concerned that the hundreds of thousands of dollars, years of sacrifice and meaningless bookwork has led to the worst job market in history.  

But don't worry! 

Surely, one of the learned professors, an uncanny example of the human race---with an unnaturally gifted mind as all law professors like to fashion themselves--whose possesses the kind of razor sharp intellect devoted for the past several years to honing this the next generation of justice seekers will have words of encouragement and reassurance.  

SURELY! A professor, a singular person endowed with the sacred duty of passing knowledge onto the next generation, a tradition stretching back to the days of Socrates will have something intelligent and wise to offer these students who have no chance in hell of getting a good job in the law will have something good.  Nope.  Instead she gets up and lays this down on the poor sons of bitches.

"Get over it," said Stadler. "The one thing standing in the way of your happiness is a sense of entitlement."




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FYI, Emory's own website shows how entitled these students were.  For 2010-2011 the typical Emory student should plan on spending $68,968 dollars per academic year.  Let's just repeat that.


Emory students should conservatively prepare to spend $68, 968 dollars per academic year.  

For that amount of money the Emory students are not "entitled" to expect a job that would allow you to ever pay that off or recoup the money spent if you had it.

So just to be clear, you are a whiny brat if you feel "entitled" to make the kind of average starting salary that the school enticed you with via US News.  You shouldn't feel entitled to those kinds of jobs even though the school published a statistically impossible percentage of graduates earning that amount of money.

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Honestly, if a professor giving a speech at my school had the audacity to say that kind of shit to me I probably would have jumped the stage and choked her to death with one of the 5 cent silk cords made in China they give out to graduates.  At least my school kept the lie up to this day when they still send the alumni donation requests in the mail about all of the good they did for me and my fellow grads.


But she doesn't stop there. She even admits the following:

"I'm sure Emory has failed you in some way," Stadler added, saying she wished she could change that. But the terrible job market, she said, offers opportunity for happiness.

But I'm too fucking lazy, uninterested, or uncaring to figure out what that failure is and how we might correct it, not like I have a responsibility as a member of the faculty or anything.  Thanks for that paycheck though. Cha-ching!  

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But don't worry she has some ideas for you:

"You might have to move to Nebraska. … You might have to join a small firm where they don't make the big bucks," she said. "You might also have to learn to be a giver, not a taker. Givers tend to be happy people. Takers are never satisfied. I want you to be satisfied with your professional lives. To look back later and say … look at the people I helped … to simplify the parts of their lives that intersected with the law. Because that's what everyone wants. That's what they need. And that's what the law needs, too."

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At this point, if I were in the audience, I would start to question the nature of reality surrounding me.  Am I awake?  Is this real?  First off, Jesus Christ, when did Nebraska become a bad place?  It's not my cup of tea as a state, but I've never been there I'm just totally basing it on pop culture references. But I certainly don't think of it as a place of exile or banishment for fuck's sake, especially not to say out loud to an entire fucking audience.

Better than that is her characterization of the students themselves.  They need to be givers.  Yes, because giving you all that money every year in tuition wasn't enough was it?

You need to be givers not takers.  Only one word can properly sum this all up.
Outstanding!

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Till Next Time!!! FUCK BITCHES GET MONEY!!! CONGRATS CLASS OF 2011!! WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

No Shit Sherlock: Professor Wendy Brown Has Huge Brass Balls

"When is a crisis reached? When questions arise that can't be answered." ~ Ryszard Kapuściński


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There's really no other way to describe the following video which I first caught on one of my favorite blogs out of some kind of useless, non-corporate sponsored field of vital human inquiry sociology program entitled Sociological Images: Seeing is Believing



Some of the salient points that Professor Brown makes are as follows, just in case you're too fucking lazy or uninvested to watch the whole thing.

10 things that happen when you bring privatizing market values into the public university system -- thus destroying it, i.e. what is at the root of the law school scam (important to note as the speaker does, these things already exist in the system it's just a matter of degree...which is steadily reaching dominance).

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1) Decreased Commitment to Education - Shift from Meritocracy to Plutocracy, a turnaway from equal opportunity, the rush for out of state tuition for revenue purposes 


2) Increasing Inequality in Every Strand and Strata of the University - A diminished sense of shared purpose - concretely it means huge salary differentials between faculty within and between departments


3) Decreased Support for All Elements of the University that are NOT entrepreneurial - i.e. decreased support for all aspects of curriculum and research that are that are not readily applicable or commodifiable (especially humanities, arts, social sciences, etc. but a huge focus on "business" or "human resources")

4)  Deteriorating Support for Basic Research as Opposed to Applied Research - if it doesn't have the potential for generating money in a market then fuck it.  No Einstein, Darwin, Aristotle but by all means let's find the next Bill Gates, Genetic Modified Foods, Campaign Strategists (what Peter Thiel is likely doing with his "dropout" program)


5) Research Increasingly Contoured By and To Corporate & State Funders - risks compromise/corruption by need to attract funders (i.e. big pharma in med schools, military funding for anthropologists in counterinsurgency efforts, etc.)


6) Privatization Means Restricted Academic Freedom on Many Levels - pressure for application & sponsorship, silencing "troublesome" faculty, 


7) Increased Exploitation of Workers - privatized & privatizing institutions are historically & practically more hostile to unions, more effective at breaking them, fewer labor regulations, more likely to use part time workers to keep unions weak


8) Shrinking from Public Values & Concerns - monitoring work conditions in sweat shops becomes verboten because corporations are behind endowments & gifts to leverage interests, Harvard Medical School has 3 professorships sponsored entirely & exclusively by the money derived from sleep medicine rather than something like malaria which is a huge public good for a great number of people....but not profitable.


9) Replacing Shared Governance with Business Management Principles - increased influence and participation by non-academics (funders) in academic matters, admin setting the standards over the faculty for the money game rather than education


10) Education Increasingly is Organized to Produce "Efficient Instruction Delivery Systems," what used to be called teachers, to generate "human capital," who would be the students - does not represent education that develops, deepens, broadens the mind with perspective, discernment, historical conscience, diverse knowledge and literacy BUT instead of producing thinkers it produces cogs for the machines...new bits of linked in human capital who do not question but consume...who do not dream but obey


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In sum it means narrowed access, expanded inequalities, destroyed shared purposes, devalued knowledge & research, research that is contoured towards corporate rather than public ends, and education that leaves debt ridden husks rather than enlightened human beings in search for truth and the greatest goods.  It means a systematized law school complex that does not teach the practice of "defending liberty & pursuing justice" but rather a set of cultural myths and false expectations created to lure unsuspecting lambs to the slaughter.

Till Next Time!!! You fight the fights that need fighting!!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

It's Official! We're All Fucked!!!

" Ay me, I see the ruin of my house! The tiger now hath seiz'd the gentle hind; Insulting tyranny begins to jet Upon the innocent and aweless throne. Welcome, destruction, blood, and massacre! I see, as in a map, the end of all." ~ Elizabeth in Shakespeare's Richard III, famously had sex with a goat


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So for the last few idiots still thinking that the legal profession has a snowball's chance of recovering, guess what?  Even the Economist magazine has now put out a story about how fucked law school graduates are in today's world.  Uh oh.


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In an article titled "How to curb your legal bills: they fell during the recession, but not nearly far enough" the only magazine left in today's world that makes any kind of profit lays out the case for why the legal services industry as we know it and as the law schools pitch to prospective Zero Lemmings is done.

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First they point out that even though lawyers represent 1% of the total population, they comprise 55% of senators an 100% of the US Supreme Court (not surprising since both populations are comprised almost entirely of Boomers or older).  However they then follow up with these gems:


The American legal system is the most lawyer-friendly on earth. It is head thumpingly complex. The regulations that accompany the Dodd-Frank law governing Wall Street, for example, are already more than 3m words long--and not yet half written. Companies must hire costly lawyers to guide them through a maze created by other lawyers. They must also hire lawyers to defend themselves against attacks by other lawyers on a playing field built by lawyers.

Sounds fantastic doesn't it? Guaranteed job security!!!! Oh wait...

America's 250 biggest law firms shed more than 9500 people, nearly 8% of the total, in 2009-10.  Law students are struggling to find the lavishly paid work they expected after graduation.  One big law firm even went bust. None of this is nice for the people concerned, especially those with large student debts. But a squeeze was long overdue. The recession forced corporate America to look hard for savings, and the people who were being paid hundreds of dollars an hour to nitpick were an obvious target. Some lawyers requires exceptional skills and deserves high pay. But law firms were often charging stiff rates for routine work done by trainees.  Clients are right to demand better value for money.  Law firms can increasingly oblige them with the help of technology and globalisation.

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Translation?  You, yes you!!! Anonymous attendee at any American law school who lacks vast private wealth that makes working a 9 to 5 superfluous, an unheard of genetic lottery type I.Q. in a very specific specialization and numerous family connections...you are fucked harder than a 2 dollar whore down at the harbor when a navy ship docked after a 6 month deployment and they have a 48 hour liberty pass. 

The rest of the economist article, which goes on for several pages, documents the changing legal services market landscape summed up in a few words.


Companies are insisting that their lawyers outsource basic or repetitive tasks.  They are pressing them to use software, rather than expensive eyes, in the collection of vast amounts of information for anyone who files a semi-plausible suit.  They are asking for a flat or capped rather than hourly fees.

Then in the second portion entitled "A less guilded future: the legal business has undergone not only a recession but also a structural change. Ever-growing profit are no longer guaranteed. Nor, for some firms, is survival."  The Economist continues to spill the bad news.  

They go through the demise of the huge law firm named Howrey as the expected future norm not the exception.  Blah blah blah.  You go spend the 7 bucks to read it yourself, it's the May 7-13th issue with Bin Laden's face on it.


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One of the more interesting tidbits is how America lacks the kind of draconian protections for the legal profession as compared to other countries. Thanks ABA you bunch of cocksucking whores!


It is virtually impossible for a foreigner to practise Indian law. Only locals can practise Chinese law. Although flotations and cross-border mergers involving Chinese companies have been good to many firms, the mass rush into Chona has led to competition on prices...Ultimately, lawyering is becoming more of a business than a profession.  Some lawyers decry this. Others welcome it. Few deny it.


Also in the article is a picture of a road sign reading "Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be lawyers let them be farmers or loggers and such" with the caption from the economist stating "Sound career advice."


Believe us now you fucking morons?

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Till Next Time!!! Gird your loins class of 2011 and welcome to the biggest mistake of your life!!!

Monday, May 9, 2011

10 Things We Hate About Higher Ed

"I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best -- it's all they'll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money -- provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don't need it." ~ Peter De Vries 

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So if you head over to Huffington Post, they have culled together a bunch of academics, researchers, and scallywags to ask them about America's Higher Education Complex.  Here's the link to the full article

As the article explains:


When asked to identify the main problem with higher education and offer a possible solution, each said that this was impossible – the system is too large and the complications too intricate to pare down to one cause. But certain points were brought up repeatedly throughout these conversations, and begin to paint a picture of what is wrong with American higher education.



Here are the top 10 problems that created the monster that has become Higher Ed:

1) Focus on "elite" institutions (prestige & going into debt to attain it)
2) Lack of diversity (race & class)
3) Standardized Testing (LSAT & others are bullshit)
4) Rankings (US News & World Report should be shut down)
5) Community & For-Profits are a Scam (Low graduation rates, students don't transfer well)
6) No one finishes a degree (lots of people don't actually graduate, just attend)
7) No accountability (spending money on all kinds of shit, i.e. Nando pointing out Baltimore Law spending a shit ton on a fancy new dwelling place)
8) No one cares about teaching/learning anything (everyone's concerned with the money game)
9) Lack of leadership (When you bring CEO types in & pay them CEO salaries shit gets fucked up)
10) Research overtakes teaching (producing PhDs, publishing articles, trying to create a "product")

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Here's a perfect sum up from Claudia Dreifus:


"But, the whole system is built on a premise of status and hierarchy. It's profoundly undemocratic...instead of being a system that creates more democracy through knowledge, it's a system that's creating more striation."





And two from Sigal Alon:



"What is not getting attention is that since the 1980s class inequality in higher education is rising,[as a result of rising] tuition and declining financial aid, but also because of the polarization between the classes."


"Rankings are indirectly contributing to the inequality. Maybe even directly.
Kids in 5th grade already know the rankings, which started in the mid-80s -- which is exactly the time when class inequality [started to rise]."



Or as Mark Taylor points out:

"Standardized test are biased. The unfortunate part is that institutions still rely heavily on them, which limits access for students of color."

This is essentially the exact same list of criticisms that my brethren scam bloggers have been writing about for years.  It's also the reason that the "transparency" or "reform" movement is a joke (at least in my opinion).  You can't change something that has become, at its core, a social evil.

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I would add the following problems to the law school scam.


1) It's a scam designed primarily to generate money for the university (literally I have had people in the middle tier of administration of my school admit as much to me)
2) Law school focuses on abstract multi-jurisdictional, overviews of the law (lots of bullshit that doesn't even apply to real practice anymore, no focus on "lawyering")
3) It's entirely beholden to US News & World Reports ranking (Bob Morse, need I say more?)
4) Anyone read the story about the "merit scholarship" bait and switch? Related to number 3.
5) The law as practiced is inherently negative leading to all kinds of problems (just search for lawyers with depression, state bar lawyer assistance programs, drop out rates in the profession even back in the "good years").
6) It exacerbates and aggravates the problems listed in the article, focus on race, class, prestige, ranking, lack of accountability, etc.


Any other suggestions on the problems with Law Schools? I have a general suggestion for them (*See Below)


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Till Next Time!!! Students of the world unite!!!



Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Unexpected: Guess How Law School Makes You Suck?

"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." ~ Thomas Jefferson, one of the most famous lawyers in American history, predominantly used a pen to make arguments because he had a lisp that made him a totally ineffectual oral advocate, also loved slave sex

So for those of you sorry bastards who functionally retarded perpetual adolescents are prospective Zero Lemmings & actually believe that Law School and the education provided will open doors, regardless of employment in the slave trade legal services market....guess what?  

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It has now been proven that having a legal education makes you less accurate at one of the oldest professions astrology political prognostication.  For many of you who have some kind of actual education in say mathematics, social sciences, and even dare I say economics--most of whom are employed by the government--we basically suck at guessing what will happen in the future.  Hamilton College, a feeder school for people who couldn't get into an ivy program for undergrad but stand a good chance of landing it for their graduate school education in Queer Studies or whatever is popular amongst the liberal arts sect nowadays, did a study of numerous pundits predicting what will happen in the immediate future.  

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So who is the most accurate?  Paul Krugman, the sanctimonious Nobel laureate economist who admitted once in an interview that he went into economics because there was no such thing as a psychohistorian as described by Isaac Asimov in his Foundation series of science fiction books, won out as the most accurate pundit did the best (as a tangent, Asimov had a habit of banging his much younger grad students but that is neither here nor there).  Here's the full article for those of you who still read.

As the article states:

The group also found a link between conditional predictions and accuracy, that is, a prediction that was conditional (“If A, then B”) was less likely to be accurate. Finally, those prognosticators with a law degree were more likely to be wrong.

Now this kinda blasts a whole in the side of what many have argued that a legal education is "intrinsically" valuable and offers graduates of such esteemed programs as the Santa Clara Law School or any other institution recently covered by Nando the opportunity to spread their wings and fly.  Not so much with that actually... 

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My unproven hypothesis is something that I call the "1L Syndrome" where, after being exposed to legal philosophy, you begin to see liability and the kind of bullshit scenarios tested on final exams everywhere in real life (could also be the same as the popularized version of the cultural myth depicted in the movie The Number 23 with Jim Carrey where the protagonist conflates coincidence with causation).  

Oh look, my Conviser Outline

Many of my family members commented on this when I returned for the first time at the winter break along with the end of the second semester of my 1L year where I warned them of all kinds of useless and almost certainly not going to happen bullshit.  For example, if you ever start a sentence..."There was a case from Indiana where a guy..."  or "You know the Supreme Court ruled in 1985 that..."  The survivors of the law school scam know what I mean.  I had classmates who had nightmares from reading dozens of Criminal Law cases where people would rape and murder children to wear as hats.  Then there are the stoner lemmings who would hide their weed in locked mini-safes with their name & a disclaimer on it after taking CrimPro.  For me, I cannot watch any kind of home improvement show or pass a construction site without imagining the countless, horrific potential personal injury claims that could arise from someone misusing a power tool.

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Oh law school how you ruined my mind.

Till Next Time!!! Get some real learning!!! Go work at McDonald's!!!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Is Robert Morse at US News & World Report a Quasi-Rapist?

"The more corrupt the state, the more laws." ~ Publius Cornelius Tacitus

I don't know the answer to the following question so I present it to you,"Is Robert Morse at U.S. News & World Report a quasi-rapist?"

Why don't you, the educated reader, decide for yourself, here's a quote by him from the NYT article about how Law School is in reality a giant ponzi scheme in academic trappings:

Why is merit scholarship retention not part of the U.S. News data haul? “The main reason is that we haven’t thought about it,” said Robert Morse, who oversees the rankings. “It’s not a great answer, but it’s an honest answer.” 

Then Mr. Morse thought about it.
“This isn’t meant to be sarcastic,” he said, “but these students are going to law school and they need to learn to read the fine print.” 

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That's your response to this?!  

Well if you don't want to get raped, you should learn to wear less revealing clothing, don't socialize at parties, etc.  I mean really just by being alive aren't you implicitly asking to be raped?

It's your fault.  I'm fairly certain this goes against everything I supposedly learned in law school. Everyone who went to law school gets the savage raping the financial gamble that it entails.  But the more and more you scratch the surface the less and less it seems like it has any redeemable qualities other than bold self assertions by those who profit from it.

You knew you were talking to a reporter and this is what you came up with?  Really?  Really?  Aren't you a lawyer?  Aren't you supposedly in charge of these other bloodsucking sacks...oh forget it.

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Till Next Time!!! I've run out of metaphors for evil!!! I'm just sick of these sons of bitches!!!