This blog is about living the American Dream at the dawn of the new millennium! I am a nameless, mid-20s, bottom 150 Law School Graduate who finds himself marginally attached and awash in a sea of overeducated but underpaid, indentured peers who feel, and were, duped by the promise of a better life through debt and modern chemistry. Let's get to the point. The Law School Industrial Complex is a scam that has destroyed a generation out of greed. Vendettas were once legal and the pursuit of one was seen not only as moral, but necessary. This newly minted lawyer is going to continue the practice. DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL YOU MORONS! Ce qui suit est ce qui reste!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I Can't Do This Anymore: You Deserve It

It's reached a point where I am starting to believe that the vast majority of these Zero Lemmings get what they deserve.  Over the past several months, I have had numerous conversations with a number of young, under 24 year old, retards prospective law students who are totally committed to going to law school.  If they honestly want to ignore all of the data both quantitative and qualitative and fuck their futures and their spirits, then I say go ahead I hope you prove me wrong (but I know that the vast vast majority of you won't prove me wrong & may likely end up on the end of a hangman's noose or an overdose of Rx drugs).


A lot of the scambloggers continue to harp on the employment numbers and the complete lack of jobs.  I would think that would be enough to dissuade people who have any form of rational thinking in their decision making paradigm.  I remember one of these "Beware the Ides of March" conversations I've had since I left law school with a bartender who was considering law school.  After about 5 minutes of telling him what's actually going on, he thanked me said he had no idea and would not consider leaving his job, making more than about 99.9% of the law grads from my graduating year, for something that awful.

But let's think of it this way.  Let's say we're totally wrong and you the plucky Zero Lemming will go to law school, pass the bar and make a great paycheck!!!!  Congratulations!!!! You're the winner!!!!

Except for one small don't know what the practice of law is actually like in the real world.

What I feel like when I see a zero lemming, you tell me which kid I identify with here.

One of the points I've consistently made is that even IF the job market were reliable with jobs that could provide a living wage, your life is going to suck.  Because the practice of law sucks.

Out of the hundreds of attorneys I know, have worked with, or have encountered, I can count the truly happy and fulfilled ones on a single hand.  Everyone else burns out or quits and it's just a matter of time.  

Regardless of specialty, school, or success---the meat grinder wears lawyers down.  Even before the Great Recession, which by the way had little to nothing to do with the loss of legal jobs, the internal research was showing that the average lawyer quit their first job within 2 years and had left the "practice" of law within 10.  The ones who stay in the practice do so out of a combination of necessity or a lack of imagination/courage.


I have a friend who has one of those jobs that all of the Zero Lemmings think they're going to get and the law schools love to talk about.  Let's keep it anonymous.  Big law firm in a major city making well over $150,000 a year.  Guess what?  Miserable and over worked.  What do I mean overworked?  I'm not talking oh god I had a long day doing doc review all day, I mean 20 hour days 5 or 6 days a week.  My friend's plan is to do this until the debt is paid off and then looking for a second career.  Total length of practice time at the big law firm?  So far it's been about the same amount of time as it took to get the law degree.

But I am often disheartened by the fact that none of you idiots listen to people trying to help you.  Whether it's family members, strangers, or other practicing attorneys we tried to warn you as best we can but you think you're going to be awesome.  I feel like this is as close to being a crisis counselor as I'll ever get.  Each of these conversations is a metaphor to someone standing on a bridge holding the emergency phone while I try to talk them back from the ledge.  But rather than sounding depressed or morose they are so excited to hit the water.  

You're not unique or special, you're a statistic.  The kind of statistic scambloggers use to prove a point.  You could be more, you should have been more, but you made a shitty decision for all the wrong reasons.


I've thought of a lot of structural changes that would need to happen for things to go well and to prevent this fate for so many, but I don't ever see it happening.  The ABA certainly isn't going to do it.  Paring down class sizes by the numbers that the schools are actually doing might touch on the overproduction in a few decades if they were all doing it until the numbers actually matched the need and the population.  Besides it's in the schools economic interest to keep the scam going, it's way way too profitable as long as you idiots keep wanting to go.  So that leaves it up to the individual.  When I went to school there wasn't really even the term scamblog and you didn't have major media outlets questioning law school on a regular basis as they do today.  I know I was someone who had no good reason to go to law school or have anything to do with the profession, but it's too late for me.  You still have a chance you fucking imbeciles.

Dealing with Zero Lemmings is as if Scrooge just said "Fuck off," to the spirit of his dead partner who amazingly came back from the grave solely to save his quasi-friend.  The whole reason why A Christmas Carol is amazing and has survived for so many years in so many adaptations is that most of us don't get a Marley moment, a second chance to avoid a terrible fate.  Not for the Zero Lemming, they are the type who would have told Marley to Fuck Off.  I'm done with you morons.

Till Next Time!!! Go Play a Nice Game of Hide and Go Fuck Yourself!!!


  1. Lemmings suffer from confirmation bias. What most of these ass-goblins fail to understand is that MOST of their classmates also had 3.6-3.9 UGPAs and similar LSAT scores. I didn't even mention that "grade inflation" factor - now that "professors" must cater to their paying customers known as students.

    I had to throw that in. Demos, a lot of these kids simply do not want to accept reality. On some level, these bitches understand that there are too many people in law school. (Do you see medical students lose sleep because their MCAT score was a little off? Do you hear dental students who are despondent after earning a C+ in one of their first year courses?)

    They remind me of the man whose wife is getting banged by his best friend. The cuckold may suspect something is going on. He may even "know" - without hard proof. However, if you tell him that his wife is getting pounded from behind 7 days a week by his friend, expect the guy to lash out. The bastard simply cannot express his frustration or sadness in a healthy manner.

    With the lemmings, there is a distinct difference however. They have access to solid data showing that they are entering a GLUTTED field - before they take the first step.

  2. I'm sorry you're leaving. I've really enjoyed your posts, they've injected a much needed dose of reality and grim death gallows-humor into my life. You did all you could, so thank you for that.

  3. I'm studying for another bar at a local college library. I ran into a woman at the circulation desk that is planning on going to law school. I tried to tell her about her prospects and how dismal the job market is these day, but as is typically the case, these lemmings just think you're an asshole for even bringing it up. After all, we're, in essence, "dream killers." I hate to kill your dream, but I'm just trying to emphasize that there is nothing but pain and despair at the end of the rainbow, EXCEPT FOR A LUCKY FEW. There are always exceptions to the rule. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the 0Ls think that they will beat the odds. After all they know everything having graduated magna cum laude in political science from State U. Big whoop. I agree - let these lemmings hang themselves.

  4. Sad to see you go. I also went to law school for all of the wrong reasons.

    I try to tell any 0Ls I can to avoid law school like the plague. Many believe in what the law school administrators tell them. They think that money flows and its just like on TV.

    Being a lawyer sucks balls hard. If you tell people how bad it is most of them just stare and look at you perplexed, or they get angry.

    Well Demosthenes you can't say you didn't try to save them. I thank you for telling a story that needs to be told even if the law schools and the ABA didn't want it to be known.

  5. Not retiring, just not going to try to save the Lemmings from themselves.

    I still have a few things left to say yet.

  6. ^Good. I don't know where people got you were retiring.

    About the 0Ls, don't worry, they'd been warned; a privilege that may in the past did not have.

  7. "Not retiring...."

    Good to hear!

    I think one could teach a semester-long psychology course on 0L reasoning.

  8. The response I usually get is "I know that I have to get at least 172 on the LSATs, and I know that I have to get into a T-10, and I know that I have to make Law Review, and I know that I can't expect BigLaw . . . " In other words, they insist that, unlike everyone else, they KNOW the downside, have prudently considered it, and have decided to take a sober and reasonable risk that they can successfully game the numbers. Remember, these are people who have been gaming the numbers since elementary school. They may well have never encountered a grade below a B+; many schools have given up on maintenance of a meaningful grading system because they know that little Josh's helicopter parents will be on them like white on rice the minute they suggest that their precious snowflake is anything less than the 2nd coming of Einstein, MLK and John Holmes all rolled into one. Many middle and upper middle class kids today believe they are too big to fail.

    Additionally, I think the scamblogs have almost backfired in a way, through their consistent emphasis on the debased condition of legal education and the legal profession. Many lemmings who have been shitting and grinning their way to straight As and high standardized test scores for years figure that they can easily outmanouver the kind of pathetic schlubs destined for J.C. Penney-clad shitlaw. Ultimately, the figure that you are a loser rightly trying to warn other losers, but that has nothing to do with them.

  9. It is difficult to see someone take an action that will hurt themselves.

    Back in 2006, I remember Tom the Temp Blogging about Doc Review's Broadway Basement Hell. Later in the post, someone commented: I understand this Doc Review is shit; but I need $$$, how can I get one of these jobs.

    It has been almost 5 years since that post. Yet, people are still going to law school and brand new law schools are opening. There comes a point to stop pitying these lemmings; we present credible evidence that the BIGLAW dreams will turn into nightmares for 95% of the people. We did what we could!

  10. I won't make millions as a lawyer? b-b-but I have a 3.4 GPA in Medieval Philosophy