This blog is about living the American Dream at the dawn of the new millennium! I am a nameless, mid-20s, bottom 150 Law School Graduate who finds himself marginally attached and awash in a sea of overeducated but underpaid, indentured peers who feel, and were, duped by the promise of a better life through debt and modern chemistry. Let's get to the point. The Law School Industrial Complex is a scam that has destroyed a generation out of greed. Vendettas were once legal and the pursuit of one was seen not only as moral, but necessary. This newly minted lawyer is going to continue the practice. DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL YOU MORONS! Ce qui suit est ce qui reste!

Monday, May 16, 2011

It's Official! We're All Fucked!!!

" Ay me, I see the ruin of my house! The tiger now hath seiz'd the gentle hind; Insulting tyranny begins to jet Upon the innocent and aweless throne. Welcome, destruction, blood, and massacre! I see, as in a map, the end of all." ~ Elizabeth in Shakespeare's Richard III, famously had sex with a goat


So for the last few idiots still thinking that the legal profession has a snowball's chance of recovering, guess what?  Even the Economist magazine has now put out a story about how fucked law school graduates are in today's world.  Uh oh.


In an article titled "How to curb your legal bills: they fell during the recession, but not nearly far enough" the only magazine left in today's world that makes any kind of profit lays out the case for why the legal services industry as we know it and as the law schools pitch to prospective Zero Lemmings is done.


First they point out that even though lawyers represent 1% of the total population, they comprise 55% of senators an 100% of the US Supreme Court (not surprising since both populations are comprised almost entirely of Boomers or older).  However they then follow up with these gems:

The American legal system is the most lawyer-friendly on earth. It is head thumpingly complex. The regulations that accompany the Dodd-Frank law governing Wall Street, for example, are already more than 3m words long--and not yet half written. Companies must hire costly lawyers to guide them through a maze created by other lawyers. They must also hire lawyers to defend themselves against attacks by other lawyers on a playing field built by lawyers.

Sounds fantastic doesn't it? Guaranteed job security!!!! Oh wait...

America's 250 biggest law firms shed more than 9500 people, nearly 8% of the total, in 2009-10.  Law students are struggling to find the lavishly paid work they expected after graduation.  One big law firm even went bust. None of this is nice for the people concerned, especially those with large student debts. But a squeeze was long overdue. The recession forced corporate America to look hard for savings, and the people who were being paid hundreds of dollars an hour to nitpick were an obvious target. Some lawyers requires exceptional skills and deserves high pay. But law firms were often charging stiff rates for routine work done by trainees.  Clients are right to demand better value for money.  Law firms can increasingly oblige them with the help of technology and globalisation.


Translation?  You, yes you!!! Anonymous attendee at any American law school who lacks vast private wealth that makes working a 9 to 5 superfluous, an unheard of genetic lottery type I.Q. in a very specific specialization and numerous family are fucked harder than a 2 dollar whore down at the harbor when a navy ship docked after a 6 month deployment and they have a 48 hour liberty pass. 

The rest of the economist article, which goes on for several pages, documents the changing legal services market landscape summed up in a few words.

Companies are insisting that their lawyers outsource basic or repetitive tasks.  They are pressing them to use software, rather than expensive eyes, in the collection of vast amounts of information for anyone who files a semi-plausible suit.  They are asking for a flat or capped rather than hourly fees.

Then in the second portion entitled "A less guilded future: the legal business has undergone not only a recession but also a structural change. Ever-growing profit are no longer guaranteed. Nor, for some firms, is survival."  The Economist continues to spill the bad news.  

They go through the demise of the huge law firm named Howrey as the expected future norm not the exception.  Blah blah blah.  You go spend the 7 bucks to read it yourself, it's the May 7-13th issue with Bin Laden's face on it.


One of the more interesting tidbits is how America lacks the kind of draconian protections for the legal profession as compared to other countries. Thanks ABA you bunch of cocksucking whores!

It is virtually impossible for a foreigner to practise Indian law. Only locals can practise Chinese law. Although flotations and cross-border mergers involving Chinese companies have been good to many firms, the mass rush into Chona has led to competition on prices...Ultimately, lawyering is becoming more of a business than a profession.  Some lawyers decry this. Others welcome it. Few deny it.

Also in the article is a picture of a road sign reading "Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be lawyers let them be farmers or loggers and such" with the caption from the economist stating "Sound career advice."

Believe us now you fucking morons?


Till Next Time!!! Gird your loins class of 2011 and welcome to the biggest mistake of your life!!!


  1. At least that $2 whore at the harbor is in demand - and she didn't need to take out $130K in non-dischargeable loans for her job!

  2. Yep, screwed. I could not even give my services away for free as a new lawyer. Sadly I could not do this anyway because it would not help me pay off my loans (indentured serf plan). Yep entered law school with no debt and left nearly $100K in the hole. This blows hard! I need to find a good harbor and get to work.

  3. Yeah, well. My great grandfather was a mailman, my grandfather owned a small store and my father was a doctor, I guess it's back to mailman for my family.