This blog is about living the American Dream at the dawn of the new millennium! I am a nameless, mid-20s, bottom 150 Law School Graduate who finds himself marginally attached and awash in a sea of overeducated but underpaid, indentured peers who feel, and were, duped by the promise of a better life through debt and modern chemistry. Let's get to the point. The Law School Industrial Complex is a scam that has destroyed a generation out of greed. Vendettas were once legal and the pursuit of one was seen not only as moral, but necessary. This newly minted lawyer is going to continue the practice. DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL YOU MORONS! Ce qui suit est ce qui reste!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Emory Law = Cee Lo Green: Hey Law Grads! Fuck you!!!

So I don't really care about this but just think it's funny.  Funny like assault on a toddler.  Ever see someone hit a toddler? They're so rubbery it's hilarious! Anyway. 

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Imagine hundreds of Emory law students who have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in a bogus "education" to learn how to practice "law" sitting at their graduation ceremony.  In fact, their alma mater's Marketing Tag Line is "Emory Law: More Than Practice" which is ironic considering I don't know of any law schools who actually teach students how to practice let alone offer students something more than that.

The Emory grad's boomer parents and significant others are sitting in the audience for this horse and pony show and many are rightly concerned that the hundreds of thousands of dollars, years of sacrifice and meaningless bookwork has led to the worst job market in history.  

But don't worry! 

Surely, one of the learned professors, an uncanny example of the human race---with an unnaturally gifted mind as all law professors like to fashion themselves--whose possesses the kind of razor sharp intellect devoted for the past several years to honing this the next generation of justice seekers will have words of encouragement and reassurance.  

SURELY! A professor, a singular person endowed with the sacred duty of passing knowledge onto the next generation, a tradition stretching back to the days of Socrates will have something intelligent and wise to offer these students who have no chance in hell of getting a good job in the law will have something good.  Nope.  Instead she gets up and lays this down on the poor sons of bitches.

"Get over it," said Stadler. "The one thing standing in the way of your happiness is a sense of entitlement."




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FYI, Emory's own website shows how entitled these students were.  For 2010-2011 the typical Emory student should plan on spending $68,968 dollars per academic year.  Let's just repeat that.


Emory students should conservatively prepare to spend $68, 968 dollars per academic year.  

For that amount of money the Emory students are not "entitled" to expect a job that would allow you to ever pay that off or recoup the money spent if you had it.

So just to be clear, you are a whiny brat if you feel "entitled" to make the kind of average starting salary that the school enticed you with via US News.  You shouldn't feel entitled to those kinds of jobs even though the school published a statistically impossible percentage of graduates earning that amount of money.

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Honestly, if a professor giving a speech at my school had the audacity to say that kind of shit to me I probably would have jumped the stage and choked her to death with one of the 5 cent silk cords made in China they give out to graduates.  At least my school kept the lie up to this day when they still send the alumni donation requests in the mail about all of the good they did for me and my fellow grads.


But she doesn't stop there. She even admits the following:

"I'm sure Emory has failed you in some way," Stadler added, saying she wished she could change that. But the terrible job market, she said, offers opportunity for happiness.

But I'm too fucking lazy, uninterested, or uncaring to figure out what that failure is and how we might correct it, not like I have a responsibility as a member of the faculty or anything.  Thanks for that paycheck though. Cha-ching!  

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But don't worry she has some ideas for you:

"You might have to move to Nebraska. … You might have to join a small firm where they don't make the big bucks," she said. "You might also have to learn to be a giver, not a taker. Givers tend to be happy people. Takers are never satisfied. I want you to be satisfied with your professional lives. To look back later and say … look at the people I helped … to simplify the parts of their lives that intersected with the law. Because that's what everyone wants. That's what they need. And that's what the law needs, too."

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At this point, if I were in the audience, I would start to question the nature of reality surrounding me.  Am I awake?  Is this real?  First off, Jesus Christ, when did Nebraska become a bad place?  It's not my cup of tea as a state, but I've never been there I'm just totally basing it on pop culture references. But I certainly don't think of it as a place of exile or banishment for fuck's sake, especially not to say out loud to an entire fucking audience.

Better than that is her characterization of the students themselves.  They need to be givers.  Yes, because giving you all that money every year in tuition wasn't enough was it?

You need to be givers not takers.  Only one word can properly sum this all up.
Outstanding!

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Till Next Time!!! FUCK BITCHES GET MONEY!!! CONGRATS CLASS OF 2011!! WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME!!!

12 comments:

  1. Nobody booed this person? Amazing.

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  2. Nebraska? The Georgia state government projects a far better lawyer employment outlook than Nebraska's does. Nebraska is actually quite high in grads to projected job openings.

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  3. Yeah, I don't think I would have been able to stay quiet as soon as the "Get over it." came flying out of her mouth. I would have at least boo'd her or thrown my cap at her or something. I'm sure most people in the audience, when they heard her say that, did the same reality questioning you mentioned in your post. Once they recovered and were ready to get uppity, she had already moved on so they missed their chance to raise a ruckus.

    That or they've been so thoroughly bred to take a good ass-pounding (I mean they did pay to go to law school after all) that her comments were just another drop in the "quietly seething with rage that will burst around my 40's as I plow into a bunch of people standing at a bus stop with my car" bucket so they just took it like good indentured servants they've become.

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  4. The best part of this, is that the Professor was speaking at graduation because she was being honored with the "Most Outstanding Professor Award"

    http://www.law.emory.edu/about-emory-law/news-article/article/emory-law-celebrates-the-class-of-2011.html?tx_ttnews[backPid]=6253&cHash=736782dae62fc0d717932e49516164cf

    Thanks assclowns!

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  5. Demo- The "Nebraska" thing cracked me up. This fool basically admitted to a large audience that she's an elitist snob. Went to U. of Virginia, federal clerk, biglaw, law professor. As far as I can tell, the only type of giver this woman is that she helps tie the debt noose around the half the class's neck.

    Wish I would have seen this entry before writing my own, as I think the pictures do a better job of capturing the surreal outrage.

    I can't believe the students didn't start booing and throwing things. What docile cows.

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  6. I would have thrown a water bottle at her.

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  7. I am sure these commodes will start making sure that they beef up security. One day, some PISSED OFF, unemployed law grad is going to shoot the place up. Especially, if some ass-clown tells them that they shouldn't expect a job - after placing that student in debt servitude. Keep in mind that these schools provide fraudulent employment and starting salary info - for the express purpose of enticing more applicants and students.

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  8. Did she forget there is a thing call the bar exam. Jesus, I don't have another cent to give to pay for the bullshit chance to work anywhere, nor do I have any ties to any other communities, but my own. Screw that, it isn't about a giver or a taker, hell at this point it isn't about making the money promised. At this point it is do I get a job in which I can use any intelligence I was ever given. Try working for a factory, I have, try walking home and hitting your head against the wall because the only thing that made you happy was helping another employee figure out a printer (a job I might add was the responsibility of management). Try figuring out why you spent all this time making A's in class and listening in health class (aka pregnancy at the age of 16), understanding the value of not getting addicted to drugs, and then working besides people who are the reason those lessons were ever taught. Not getting paid a 100K a year sucks it does, but knowing that you spent so many hours learning information because you were told that you were not going to be working with all the people in high school that could barely graduate and spent more times in detention then in class sucks worse. Pay me less I don't care, but try to use me for my education in some respect. I can't deal with both dreams being killed.

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  9. I actually sat through the Screw'dTube video and WOMEN ACTUALLY HUGGED the bitch AFTER SHE WAS DONE TALKING! Fuck me in the ass with a NYFD fire hose!

    My only explanation is that these students are not Gen X, but late Gen Y or "Millenials"* [sic]. What I have seen of the new kids are that they love to please, and they think they can beat the odds. It did not hurt that 5 or 6 of them had lawyer parents, but for the rest, they're in a world of hurt but they just don't feel it yet. And worse than that, Emory is below the first tier, so the connectionless students are DOOMED.


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    * I hate using these terms (because they were devised by advertising copywriters and that annoying fuckwhistle Douglas Copeland) but they serve as "useful" generational markers.

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  10. Don't worry, just default, play catch me if you can and bank all money out of the jurisdiction. Then grab your ankles.

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  11. Hysterical Demo. And dead on true.

    I really am starting to think that, at this stage in a waning and declining American society, anything that is honest to God truthful and also intellectual in the society will have to be done by loners such as us.

    Look what happens when they get together and form a school or university: they turn into brownshirts and first class a-hole Capitalistic opportunists Schwarzeneggers, and then go after and pummel the crap out of the students and, by extension, the rest of the society at large.

    Would you like to know more?

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  12. This is so true. There is a whole website about that terrible place. Students have been posting their hatred at EmoryLawStudent.com

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