This blog is about living the American Dream at the dawn of the new millennium! I am a nameless, mid-20s, bottom 150 Law School Graduate who finds himself marginally attached and awash in a sea of overeducated but underpaid, indentured peers who feel, and were, duped by the promise of a better life through debt and modern chemistry. Let's get to the point. The Law School Industrial Complex is a scam that has destroyed a generation out of greed. Vendettas were once legal and the pursuit of one was seen not only as moral, but necessary. This newly minted lawyer is going to continue the practice. DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL YOU MORONS! Ce qui suit est ce qui reste!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I Have a Dream: Life Without Lawyers

"Sweet is a legacy, and passing sweet The unexpected death of some old lady or gentleman of seventy years complete, Who've made 'us youth' wait too--too long already For an estate, or cash, or country seat." ~ George Gordon aka Lord Byron

Since the last time I posted dear readers, there have been quite a few developments.  It's actually been the longest break between posts since I started this blog, but I've got shit to do to try and survive and sometimes I just don't have the strength to deal with this shit on a regular basis.  Instead, I skip across the surface like a rock on a superfund pond because the kids can't go swimming in it anymore.

         First, the ABA should, based on Locke's suggestion, change their name to Always Be Accrediting.  They've already destroyed the "legal services" market by allowing too many schools to pump out way too many graduates for too many years.  However, just for good measure they want to beat the dead horse by accrediting law schools OUTSIDE OF THE US for the purposes of bar passage.  It's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard.

     Second, the number one question I had when Ethan Haines announced its hunger strike was whether it was legitimate.  Guess what?  Ethan Haines turned out to be some useless shill who did the whole thing as a publicity stunt to try and sell a book about "how to succeed in law school."  As I commented on another blog, she's simply a traitor to the legitimate grievances aired by groups like Law School Transparency and the scambusters on blogs like this.  She's the law school equivalent of an askari soldier in east Africa working for the British empire or a jewish guard in the Nazi ghettos.

My favorite is that she's a self-declared international lawyer and went to Thomas Cooley....that's in Nebraska or something right?  A few questions I have for the "international lawyer" would be along the following lines: Parlez-vous fran├žais? Deutsch? Spent alot of time working in a civil law country? ANY OTHER COUNTRY? Do you currently live and work in an international city like NYC, DC, London, Paris, LA, Berlin, or anywhere but Nebraska or wherever the hell you are?   Answer to all of the above?...Highly doubtful.  Based on her logic, I can now start calling myself Iron Man just because I want to have his high tech suit of armor.  You know who else operates like that? The people in the padded rooms screaming I am Napoleon!

Getting a book about how to "make it in the law" from Zenovia Evans/Ethan Haines is the equivalent of hiring a pedophile for kindergarten teacher, getting a facial from a leper, or being poor white trash in Kansas and voting Republican.  That moron is the last person to give advice, but I certainly have some for her---

        Third, and most interesting to me, is the fact that the Great Recession is turning out to really be a poorly named combination of the historical Great Depression from the 1930s & the Long Depression from the 1870s.  Things are not improving and all of the stories I come across are that the current rate of unemployment may stay steady for a decade or more.  The birth rate has actually dropped in the US for the first time in a century, which is probably due to the recession.

In fact, it's so bad that some assclown out there is proposing that our society has managed to create a new stage of development dubbed "emerging adulthood."  It's so ridiculous I don't have the strength to really go into it but go check out Scammed Hard! for an excellent deconstruction of the bullshit story.

I will say that it's not surprising that people who are physically older in our society seem to be culturally/emotionally/psychologically younger than what used to be the norm, however I attribute this largely to a culture that infantilizes its subscribers.  For example, everyone in our culture idolizes youth, being young, and youth culture much more than they ever have before.  Also frightening to me is the sexualization of children, but for great coverage on how fucked up we are go check out this EPIC SOCIOLOGY BLOG and search the tags.

Now back to what I was saying, I have a dream--a life without lawyers But someone beat me to the punch...

Stay tuned as I go through what I agree with in this book & some of the flaws and shortcomings of this guy's vision and action plan!!!! (hint, the book got an endorsement from Newt Gingrich)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Who is Demosthenes & The Ideal Lawyer

"All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind. You fucktard." ~
Abraham Lincoln

Every time I see some piece of shit, law school dean or beneficiary, such as the cabal of pedophiles formerly known as US News and World Report, they extoll the virtues of gambling.  Here's the bet they encourage you to make.  If you sign up with them to throw down 100K of debt or more can be assured of a salary starting AT A MINIMUM of $60,000.

Hisssssssssssss, no master Zero'll be different....mathematical certainty plays no part in your potential'll be fine after shelling out hundreds of thousands in non-dischargeable debt with no job market and cocksuckers claiming that legal outsourcing to India is a good thing...hissssssssss...btw do you see any small children whose genetalia I can fondle? I work for US News & World Report.....

Such deception is not new, and has a long history in the passing of human affairs.  In fact, in Nazi Germany, they decorated the train station of the death camp at Treblinka to appear as if it were a mountain ski resort rather than the place where men, women, and children would be gassed and burned so as to destroy any evidence.  The logic behind this, on the part of US News and World Report Nazis, was cold and calculated, "If we make them believe that they are not being led to the slaughter, then they will much more readily comply with our demands."  It worked back in the 1930's and it works today (true story--learn to read).

In terms of readership, I often get more pageviews when I discuss my personal situation.

Who am I? What school did I attend? Where do I practice law? How was my academic record there?  Did I "network"?

***Above, A young Demosthenes at play at one of his/her parents many country club events...

Apparently, these are the questions that every aspiring Zero Lemming asks of him or herself in comparison with their personal situation after viewing a scamblog.  I will say this--and it will be the end of any discussion about who is Demosthenes.

Right now, I could quit the job I currently have, which is the same thing I was doing before I went to law school, and use my family connections to make 3 or 4 times my current income (equivalent to over 200K dollars a year).  In fact, I know that I could quit my job tomorrow & make more money using nepotism than someone who was on the Harvard Law Review could ever dream of making in a single year (Ridiculously Racist HLS 3L Law Review Editor gets away with it LOL).  I'm close friends with numerous millionaires who attended the finest schools & inherited more money than they know what to do with.  Unfortunately, I'm retarded (much like Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins who had to go thousands of miles away before anyone forgot his name).

I happen to be of the opinion that my happiness can only be measured against those of my peers; that my freedom is only equivalent to those of us at the bottom of society.  To quote Frederick Douglass, "Truth is of no color, right is of no sex, God is the father of us all--we are all brethren."  If I were to take the "easy" way out, then I would have such a low opinion of myself that I wouldn't be able to face myself in a puddle in the street corner mirror every morning.  My childhood looked nothing like that of my fellow scamblogger Locke, nor would I ever pose that the struggles I faced through my life could be compared to that kind of material deprivation. Suffice to say, I have had my own struggles as do we all.  Ironically, despite our disparate backgrounds, scambusters like Locke & I find ourselves on the same side of the fence in the scambusting battle--I know this may make some people's heads explode with confusion.

I would rather struggle on my own in anonymity than cash in on my "connections" because I wouldn't have earned it by my own two hands.  I value that far beyond my own material comfort, and maybe that makes me a poser or a piece of shit---but fuck you I don't answer to you.  Were you to do a google search of my real name and background info, you would find someone who comes from a highly successful family with great "connections" who was amongst the highest achievers in every forum that he/she found him/herself & had the best grades and test scores possible, & has received all kinds of recognition (feel free to make comparisons to the William Shatner & Ben Folds cover of "Common People" in emails or comments).  That's as far as I'll go in terms of the whole JD Underground argument of "All scambloggers must be bitter, underachieving losers," because really it's not worth taking the time to refute. 

Thus, we find ourselves in America's current climate and what law schools promise prospective students versus reality.  ***See below

In such instances, my undergraduate, far more than my graduate, training is helpful.  I quote now from the same Vocations book that I did several posts ago.  Therefore dear reader, I ask of you this question, asked by the writer some 100 years ago, "Who is THE IDEAL LAWYER?"

Who is the ideal lawyer, what are his characteristics, what his essential elements and qualifications?

Much like David "Douchebag" Lat, of Above the Law who believes that female lawyers need to develop a thicker skin and that the answer to the question "Why did the woman cross the road?" is "Who gives a shit what was she doing out of the kitchen?"----the quotations  from this book assumes that the ideal lawyer is a man.  As a male, am I or am I just blogging that I am?, I personally find this offensive.  Not only because it diminishes the potential and the contributions that my female counterparts have to offer the legal profession, but that it makes males out to be pompous, sexist assholes...oh fuck it let me just say again David Lat of Above the Law is a fucking Douchebag and I hope he gets raped at gun point ala Jodie Foster  in The Brave One (a bad modern remake of Death Wish).  Maybe then he'd have some semblance of a soul (also I have noticed for some time that the phraseology or subject matter of my, and my fellow scambloggers, posts have "reappreared" in various Above the Law posts...but far be it from me to accuse those pieces of shit journalists with theft plagirism).

Let us instead examine what the "ideal lawyer" looked like 100 years ago before this shit got out of hand (black italic the book, blue bold is me).

And first let me say that he is honest with his clients, with the court and jury, with the public and himself.  And this honesty is not, like good clothes, put on for prayer meetings and social occasions, and put off in times of meetings and social occasions, and put off in times of business or politics.  It is that thorough, ingrained honesty which knows but one time, and that is life; but one duty, and that is action.

Upon reading this, the culpability of the asslickers policymakers at the ABA, state bar administrations, and big law firms should be readily apparent.  It is the greatest criticism that I could make of them, that I happened to be one of the suckers who believed the shit they shilled about lawyers being the defenders of liberty, pursuers of justice only to find myself surrounded by snakeoil salesmen and kiddie rapists like no other industry I had been a part of thus far is my fault alone (and you out there considering law school after reading scambusting blogs have no fucking excuse whatsoever).

I have been on the bench, trial and appellate, for forty-one and a half years, have held court in a dozen states, have had before me thousands of lawyers, and only in a single instance did I ever detect one in a deliberate intentional lie, and I soon made his practice in my court so inconvenient that he left the state.

Oh, just judges, defenders of freedom and truth!!!!  We need you now (besides the federal court in California).  Should the members of our profession to be held, consistently, to such a standard as they profess then we would never find ourselves in a situation where the ABA washes their hand of responsibility and US News says the problem is that there AREN'T ENOUGH LAW SCHOOLS!!!!

It must be confessed that there is on the part of many engaged in criminal practice a desire to succeed even at the expense of justice--delaying the trial by all the strategy known to the profession until feeling may be supposed to have died out, some of the witnesses have disappeared or their memories become uncertain, striving to get a friendly juror on the panel, seeking in all possible ways to cast some technical error into the trial in order that, if the verdict and judgment be against their client, a reversal may be secured in an appellate court; in short, so conducting the whole trial that justice becomes weary and the guilty escapes. Anything for the sake of acquittal is their motto, and a victory however gained is heralded as proof of their ability.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....Totally unbelievable....that attorneys, criminal or otherwise, would employ such methods just to win.  As a practicing attorney, I can tell you right now, Plucky Zero Lemming who loves to lick the hot cockshaft of the lies they shill you to believe the highest professional aspirations and standards put out by law schools, that I have never encountered such "dishonest" practices by my fellow members of the bar in the name of the billable hour.  No no no no.  It's all Perry Mason and Law & Order episodes in the real world kids.  Go suck a bag of dicks if you can't pick up on my sarcasm.

Were I called upon to name the one element most important in the make-up of the ideal lawyer, I should unhesitantingly say, Character. And wisely in the economy of life that is also the one element most essential to success.  Brains without character may display a brilliancy of achievement. But pyrotechnics are short-lived. That which endures, upon which all rely, is Character. The lawyer who has it has the confidence of the judge and jury; he who has it not is suspected from the moment of his appearance.  A story of Abraham Lincoln is an illustration: he was appointed to defend one charged with murder....

This is what the law schools and pieces of shit like Andrew T. Hayashi hope you, as a Zero Lemming, don't pick up on.  Law school does not equate to character, nor does it develop it.  The people I went to school with, who had the most "character" had it before law school, during, and after.  There was nothing magical in the process that granted it to them.  They either arrived with it or they didn't.  The scumbags on law review & moot court who had that "brilliancy" sans character were just that--shells of what human beings and the ideal lawyer should be.  Were they to go "solo" you wouldn't trust them with a potato gun let alone your business' incorporation, divorce proceeding, or neighbor's tree going over your property line (mostly because they're quasi-autistic weirdos who can't relate to human beings face to face--not that I'm knocking autistics if you're stupid enough to still go to law me you'll see what I mean).

While the ideal lawyer must be an honest man, the converse is not true.  An honest man will not always make an ideal lawyer.  He must be a constant student...Every increase in civilization, making as it does the social and business life more complex, increase the demands for a larger storehouse of knowledge on the part of the lawyer.  Two men living alone on an island, with no dealings save between themselves, require little but the simple rules of barter and sale; but one living and dealing in the whirl of New York business life has a right to expect from his counsel familiarity with varied branches of life.  A boy may use a jackknife skillfully, but put him into a large manufacturing, transportation, or telegraphic office, and he is lost. So a lawyer may draft a good deed, but fail when consulted concerning the rights and obligations growing out of the complex bank or other business transactions of to-day.

Surprisingly, I have little to add or comment about this.  In fact, I wholeheartedly agree and this was one of the biggest surprises I came across in law school.  When I first started, I thought that my fellow classmates would be well versed in a number of various human endeavors and be intellectually curious.  In fact, the opposite was true.  Save for the occasional engineer hoping to be a lucrative patent lawyer, my law school classmates were wholly uncultured, incurious, and uneducated.  They had backgrounds in political science, communications, history, and other worthless humanities degrees without being particularly well-versed in any of their respective fields.  I was surrounded by people who idealized being a "lawyer" and regularly mentally masturbated in front of "lay people" by mentioning civil procedure or some obscure point of law as if that made them intelligent or interesting.  After 3 years of being surrounded by those kinds of people, I found myself yearning to be in the midst of a leper colony for want of better company.

The question is often asked, Is not commercialism destroying the character of the profession? Doubtless it has its hurtful influence. The golden calf has many worshipers both in and out of the profession.  Indeed, it could hardly be expected that the community generally would be affected and lawyers escaped untouched.  It is said that it affects the legal profession more than others.  It may be that its effects more obvious, but there are sufficient reasons therefor,---and this without referring to the slurs sometimes cast upon the doctor and the minister...Multitudes of law schools scattered all over the land are annually turning out thousands of disciples of Blackstone.  By reason of this multitude the struggle for subsistence becomes more intense, and in such struggle the character of the means employed is not infrequently ignored.  

Mind you, even 100 year ago, we were dealing with the same questions--at some level--that scambloggers today ask of the profession.

On the other hand, the pulpit is not crowded.  Indeed, the supply scarcely equals the demand.  The doctors multiply almost as fast as lawyers, yet the sick room does not afford the same publicity as the court room...This rush into the profession is not to be wholly condemned, nor need we unduly lament the fact that a good farmer is wholly sometimes spoiled to make a poor lawyer or doctor.  Indeed, the eagerness to seek a professional life is evidence of a growing desire on the party of the young for the better things of life.  They do not wish to give their time and strength to mere manual labor or even that which requires a preponderance of such labor.

Well, actually now I can statistically show that the author a century ago, David J. Brewer, was eventually proven wrong.  Medical schools and specialties highly regulate and limit the number of people in their profession, whereas if you have a pulse you can pretty much get a J.D.  The pulpit is not only crowded, but overflowing with useless assclowns both here and abroad who can perform "legal" services.

Let us remember that every aspiration and struggle to secure a higher and better life is worthy of commendation rather than condemnation, whatever may be the result of the aspiration and struggle.  The eager, enthusiastic American youth is not content to always be a hewer of wood and a drawer of water.  He looks forward to becoming a potent factor in the marvelous life of the republic.  It must also be borne in mind that the thoughtful men of the profession are striving to put additional safeguards around their ranks, which will prevent the entrance of, and also remove after entrance, the unworthy and incompetent, and at the same tie lift up its character.  The time was, and that at no distant day, when a very brief study was sufficient to secure a license to practice law or medicine.

Once again, this was written a hundred years ago but might as well be penned today.  There's so much packed into that single statement that applies to the current landscape that I don't even have to comment on it--other than the sentiments expressed about the possibility & potential of law school in the imagination is the fuel that keeps the scam going cycle after cycle of Zero Lemming.

It has been well said that we are all workers on the loom of time, fashioning the fabric of civilization.  The humblest as well as the highest has his shuttle and runs his thread into and through the fabric.  And as we look upon the fabric of our American civilization in this morning of the twentieth century, we may well be proud of its splendor.  To the thoughtful mind, nothing in the material world can compare with it in richness and beauty.  But with that beauty it will crumble and fade like the civilizations of ancient times unless through all its warp and woof there runs the golden threads of universal, equal, and exact justice.  Beneath the fabric the weakest must rest in perfect security, and the strongest must never dare to break a thread.  These golden threads it is the special work of the profession to run, and the ideal lawyer's threads will be as pure and clean as the sunlight, and stronger than the wildest passions of the most gigantic enemy of social justice.

So I sum the matter up with the statement that the ideal lawyer will be thoroughly honest in all his relations to individuals and the public; that he will be a constant student; that he must possess brain power and common sense; and that he will never forget that he is a citizen, and that the weal or woe of the public depends largely on his loyalty to high ideals.  Does any profession appeal more strongly than that of the lawyer?  The minister speaks for the life beyond.  The doctor cares for our bodies.  But the lawyer takes social and business men as they are and strives to adjust their actions to the present well-being of all. Truly, without disparagement, I may claim for the profession to which I have given fifty years of constant devotion, that it makes high appeal to every brainy, honest young American; and add to that the great roll call in the last assize the response of the ideal lawyer will be, Ever present and on duty.

Guess what kids?  Modern lawyers are an epic fail on every level and standard proposed...FML. Fuck you ABA, Fuck you Law Schools, Fuck you US News, Fuck you State Bars, Fuck You Lawyers.

Till Next Time!!!  I need the darkness will someone please cut the lights!!!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Escalation: The Merits of Active Starvation (Instead of Passively Starving from Unemployment)

"For a man to attain to an eminent degree in learning costs him time, watching, hunger, nakedness, dizziness in the head, weakness in the stomach, and other inconveniences. " ~ Miguel de Cervantes

We interrupt my regular banality to bring you a new development.  Someone out there named Ethan Haines, has decided to try and up the ante on the scambusting/transparency movement by essentially committing to suicide by hunger strike.

Ethan says --

On August 5, 2010, I emailed the following Notice to administrators of ten randomly selected law schools ranked in the Top 100 of the 2010 U.S. News & World Report’s annual rankings. These schools were selected because they stand to gain the most from keeping the current rankings structure in place. Throughout the next two days, I will post a listing of the selected schools.

This hunger strike was motivated by the recent Report issued by the American Bar Association (ABA), the organization charged with regulating legal education, which investigated U.S. News & World Report’s annual law school rankings. It specifically examined the methodology behind the rankings and the public’s overwhelming reliance on these controversial rankings. The Report identified U.S. News’ rankings as having an adverse effect on law students by increasing the cost of legal education, discouraging need-based financial awards, and reducing the incentive to enhance diversity in the legal profession.

My greatest concern with the Report is its conclusion: “there is relatively little that leaders in legal education can do to change [the adverse effects of U.S. News' rankings] in the short term.” I disagree. My classmates are pawns in this legal education standoff and are powerless to resolve any of the aforementioned concerns without the full cooperation and support of law school administrators.

Not that I'm hoping he dies, but hunger strikes only work if you shame the authority figure enough to relent to your demands OR you die because it's better than subjecting yourself to further intolerable treatment/conditions.  Some say it's foolish, others say it's a desperate plea for help, while many could consider it a last act of dignity in the face of outrageous fortune.

Having spent time in places where hunger strikes were actively used, I'll leave it to the reader to try and guess which country/countries I am speaking about, it's really not something to joke about (although if you have any good one-liners feel free to email me).  Of course there's always the occasional human interest story on local news about a high school senior or some crank committing to a hunger strike for some seemingly inane purpose.

However, it's really an Irish phenom, and they're a passionate people.  The Irish have been doing it forever and will do one pretty much at the drop of a hat, even though Gandhi is perhaps the best known for it in Western culture.  Like Ireland's other major contribution to world culture---namely drinking---the hunger strike has become ubiquitous in many social justice movements.

Here's a glimpse at a dramatization of the famous 1981 hunger strike led by Michael Hughes (some peepz died in that one 4 reelz):

My questions are numerous.

1) Is it legitimate?

2) Is Ethan Haines willing to die for this cause?

3) Will the Law Schools actually relent, or like so many others in their positions before, figure out a way to placate Haines & then reneg on the deal once the crisis has passed?

4) Was it really that hard for the ABA to do their fucking job rather than wait for something like this to happen?

Of these, guess which ones I think are most likely...until then feel free to visit the site and support Ethan.  Hell, if you're feeling plucky why don't some unemployed J.D.'s out there drowning in debt, while the schools that robbed your dreams roll around in their salaries, head on over to your local law school and give them similar notice.  For many of us already literally starving, no it's not hyperbolic many of my classmates have to choose between food and bills, you might as well starve for a cause to increase media attention.

After the first 3 days, Ethan's pain will become intense.  It should take about 50 to 70 days before his body starts to consume itself for nourishment (even if he drinks water during this strike).  So we should have an update by then.