This blog is about living the American Dream at the dawn of the new millennium! I am a nameless, mid-20s, bottom 150 Law School Graduate who finds himself marginally attached and awash in a sea of overeducated but underpaid, indentured peers who feel, and were, duped by the promise of a better life through debt and modern chemistry. Let's get to the point. The Law School Industrial Complex is a scam that has destroyed a generation out of greed. Vendettas were once legal and the pursuit of one was seen not only as moral, but necessary. This newly minted lawyer is going to continue the practice. DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL YOU MORONS! Ce qui suit est ce qui reste!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Work Smarter: A Real Guerilla Guide to Success, Part 1

"I would prefer even to fail with honor than to win by cheating." ~ Sophocles

"Your best?!  Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen." ~ Sean Connery in The Rock

So here's the problem I have with scamblogging.  Eventually it gets repetitive.  I could write essentially the same argument 100 different ways but it all comes down to the same thing: we were scammed, the people who did it got away with it & with lots of money, they continue to do it to more Zero Lemmings than ever before, and we're all still fucked.  Every passing day it seems more evidence stacks up on our side of the justice scales, but I'm still amazed how much resistance scambloggers get.

Any asshole, namely me, can tear down (I often hear this said by commenters and emails).  The better question is what do you build--you cynic?  Ok, fine, how about I give current 0L's and/or those currently trapped in law school, who refuse to cut their losses for some bizarre fucking reason, a few insider/veteran tips on how to improve your "hiring profile."  By "hiring profile," I mean the one thing you actually have some measure of control over now that you've passed the first part of the process where the Nazis remove your valuables having taken the LSAT and accepted a school's fleecing offer letter.  Although, your grades really don't matter anymore in this market, what the hell, worth the shot.

Let's begin with advice from one member of the "establishment" would give to law students on how to succeed (shoutout to westside blogger Subprime JD  because it's from a Cali school).  These kinds of empty platitudes are par for the course from law school admin & professors (just check your latest career placement office's email, if they bother sending them out anymore).

Here's an esteemed professor at Thomas Jefferson School of Law, Professor David Steinberg, giving his tips on "Surviving Law School."

Jesus...Where do I start with this guy.  Well, there's the name of the school.  Thomas Jefferson School of Law? San Diego, California?  Yeah that makes a hell of a lot of sense.  Naming that school "Thomas Jefferson" is kind of like a dictatorship adding the words "republic," "democratic," or "people's" to their country name.

I HAVE 30 CATS!!!....Probably true.

So what does this Stanford grad, top 5 school, recommend to his students in order to succeed?

Basically the same thing that you would say to a high school dropout or a child attending their first day of kindergarten.

1) Treat the classroom like an professional!
2) Get there early and stay for the whole time!
3) Get a good night's sleep, Eat right & Exercise!
4) Get involved with your school's extracurricular activities based on your "passions" (clubs/societies, panel discussions, clinics, volunteer with associations, internships--HA, work part time--where at the supermarket?)

Are you fucking kidding me? Professor Steinberg, that's not working smarter--I don't know what kind of fucking advice that is for "surviving."  If this is the advice he has for "survival," I'd put a ten note on him being the same kind of person who gets killed in the opening scene of a horror movie.  "Oh my, this alley is certainly dark! Let's explore!"

Above all else, Professor Douchebag David Steinberg wants you to know that you're special, you worked hard, you care, you want to have a career that mattered because you wanted to make a difference!!!

Look at you! So special...

The one thing I agree with Professor Steinberg about---work smarter not harder...or as I would say:


It worked for everyone on Wall Street, why not you?  Like they say, I'm gonna get mine.

But Demosthenes, How do I "legally" cheat?

Professor Steinberg said:

Nothing in the casebook is going to tell you what you need to do on the exam, you're going to get that out of your law school classes.  

Oh really? In class you say? I beg to differ.

Professors rarely teach a class for the first time or off the cuff.  Instead, you'll see them do the same routine over and over, reading from their own notes that are their personal interpretations of what THEY find important/interesting about each case and subject.

The whole model of "teaching" in law school is to make you sit through hours of these assholes reading their notes to you.  As the future lawyer, you're supposed to transcribe their babblings into your own "outline" and study from it so that you can ace their exams!  That's a really great way to actually learn how to practice law...hope the next doctor I go to learned by watching Gray's Anatomy reruns.

To clarify, what I call "cheating" is anything that circumvents this ridiculously useless process because these were the "rules" of the game that were given to us by our respective schools (and the ones that people entering the law as total novices will stupidly follow).  So here are Demosthenes' tips for improving your chances, use  any combination of the following to best suits your needs & resources.

Stay tuned for part 2, and I'll show you some fun tips!!!


  1. Haha!

    "Why are you special? Because you're working very hard for no money. And why are you doing that? [Yeah, why AM I doing that?] Because you care."

    Nope. Wrong answer. Because that's what you're going to have to do for the rest of your life.

  2. Students at this toilet have a VERY slim chance at beating the odds and cracking the legal market. First, they are in California - home of the toughest bar exam in the nation. Second, there are about 30 ABA-approved law schools in the state. Third, the state is home to some top law schools.

    Why would firms go with Thomas Jefferson Sewer of Law grads when they can hire JDs from Berkeley, Stanford, UCLA and USC? This dean is simply trying to continue his meal ticket. These festering toilets live off of federally-backed, non-dischargeable student loans and the dreams of law students of modest means. That is reprehensible!