This blog is about living the American Dream at the dawn of the new millennium! I am a nameless, mid-20s, bottom 150 Law School Graduate who finds himself marginally attached and awash in a sea of overeducated but underpaid, indentured peers who feel, and were, duped by the promise of a better life through debt and modern chemistry. Let's get to the point. The Law School Industrial Complex is a scam that has destroyed a generation out of greed. Vendettas were once legal and the pursuit of one was seen not only as moral, but necessary. This newly minted lawyer is going to continue the practice. DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL YOU MORONS! Ce qui suit est ce qui reste!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Where's My Lawyer News?

"Now what is the message there? The message is that there are known "knowns." There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we do not know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns. And each year, we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns...There's another way to phrase that and that is that the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence." ~ Donald "Big Nuts" Rumsfeld, "attendee" of Georgetown Law, currently lives in the historic plantation of the slave driver sent to break Frederick Douglass' spirit (I shit you not, seriously I heart this man on so many levels).

I gave up on T.V. news a long time ago, apparently just like David Shuster from MSNBC lol, but there have been a lot of stories on internet news sources taking a look at various careers (Yahoo! It's really annoying to see story after story about a municipal workers/bus driver who make 6 figures a year, I know a few and they don't make anywhere near that much).

But speaking of the absence of evidence, a couple stories caught my eye & here's why: the distinct lack of discussion about legal careers where one would expect it.  For example, this story lists what are considered the "Most Stressful Jobs" out there right now.

#1 Firefighters, #2 Corporate Executives, #3 Taxi Drivers

Are you fucking kidding me? I couldn't really understand the methodology and the absence of law jobs being on the list and then I noticed the unemployment rates for each one.  Almost all of the "Most Stressful" jobs on the list have unemployment rates at 0-4% (None of the jobs listed have unemployment rates above 15%).  The worst unemployment rate out of the bunch? Advertising Execs at 14+%.  Poor guys over at Sterling Cooper are really struggling nowadays. (*see below)

If only the world was still like Mad Men, a show that fetishsizes (is that a word?) the social structure of  the 1960s when women folk, gays, jews, politically undesirables, foreigners, the left-handed, and the blacks knew their place below the white, straight alpha male (HLS 3L LOL!!!)

OHHHHHHHHHHH! Wait just a second, now I get it! Because there aren't any legal jobs out there, there's no way to measure it.  So, law jobs must not be stressful!  And why isn't anyone measuring the real time unemployment/underemployment of JD's in America? Hmn...I have no idea why that kind of thing wouldn't be on the front page of the ABA newsletter or emails I get..


Shit, I should have payed more attention in all of my stat classes in high school and college and it would have jumped right out at me. Also, I haven't been paying attention to what the current percentages are for attorneys/paralawyers/slaves but if you're really curious I bet some of my fellow bloggers@sidebar are more up to date than I (go search out the truth young seeker!)

The 2nd story I came across is from the Daily Beast who I have long suspected comes up with their "lists" and "figures" the same way as the Sheriff's Witch-Mother does in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (*Sidenote, IMDB's trivia section says that a deleted scene shows the Witch-Mother character as a dean at Oxford's School of Law before going to politics with her son, who knew).

Sheriff: WTF R U DOING?
Witch-Mom: Researching Unemployment Numbers! Next I'll make some "investment instruments" for Goldman Sachs!

Well, according to the Daily Beast the most corrupt industry in America? Utilities! And how did Daily Beast decide to disseminate their "research partner's findings?" Why sonny it's the same way that I do as an unemployed attorney! PICTURES!

Guess who doesn't make an appearance on the most corrupt list? Attorneys.

Yea that's right. Once again the lack of attorney jobs must have kept them off the list. Incidentally, the decade that skit aired on SNL is probably the last decade it was a good idea to be an attorney. Although, on a positive note how refreshing to see that they just moved into law school & state bar administration attorneys aren't corrupt anymore? What a relief!

Catch you on the flip side! Keep hope alive!

Just one more Mad Men graphic because it makes me smile:


  1. middle class conMay 3, 2010 at 9:11 PM

    I talked to a fire-fighter the other day who told me he thought coal miner should be up on the list as #1. I tend to agree.

  2. Although there are tons of jobs and careers that are a hell of a lot more physically demanding and dangerous than being a lawyer - not much chance of getting killed or injured by a paperclip - those in the field tend to have high dissatisfaction rates, depression, lots of mental stress, and turmoil in their working and family lives.

    Law schools tend to attract type A personalities - people who are tied into their success or failure in the profession. Their self-worth depends on how well they do their jobs. Throw in some failure, and you see why so many lawyers suffer from the above-listed problems.